Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Looting the Future: Update - Everybody Flunked, Nobody Chosen

The shelf life of this post may be shorter than usual.  Righteous types might want to read it before Saturday to keep  their appointment at the pearly gates of Heaven.  Others will have more time, but will likely be busy adjusting to the new world order and fighting over all of the boats,  BMWs, and McMansions which the recently ascended won't be needing anymore.  Yes, the end of the world is, once again, nigh.  

Harold Camping is at it again.  His 1994 prediction for Judgement Day turned out to be a little premature, but this time he is sure he has it right.  His mathematical calculations (Harold's mom always said he was a math whiz) prove beyond reason that the Apocalypse will begin this Saturday,  May 21, 2011.  

We are sure we might have something to say about this, but time's awastin' and it is time for the doubtful to stock up on bread, toilet paper, water, and bullets just in case we find ourselves left behind.  Also, we are TiVo-ing as much ABC Family as we can before the cable goes out.  We're sure those uplifting made-for-TV movies will be gold during the tribulations.

So rather than waxing prophetic on the coming shake-up, here are a few links to keep things in perspective:

Kick-off is at 6pm.

Mark Morford wants to know if you're ready.  What will you wear?

Facebook again leads the revolution: Since they can't take it with them, the rest of us can loot their stuff.

The mathematics behind May 21st:
The first proof is based on Genesis 7:4, when God said to Noah: "Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made."

When God referred to seven days, he meant both seven days and seven thousand years, because "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." The flood occurred in 4990 BC. Seven thousand years later is 2011.
The second proof looks at the significance of the number of days between the Crucifixion and May 21, 2011.
There are 722,500 days between these dates. 722,500 is a significant number because it is composed of the significant numbers 5x10x17x5x10x17. Five signifies redemption; ten signifies completion; and 17 signifies heaven. The numbers represent the day of redemption (5) and the end of the Christian era (10) and the ascent to heaven (17) -- and these factors are doubled for added significance.
Tweeting through Judgement Day with live updates from Jerusalem.
Nerdists as the new experimental monotheists.

Our historic fascination with the end of the world from The Atlantic's archives.
A photorama of evidence for the end times.

President Obama will see you now.

Salon looks at other 
disappointing predictions.

Investing in the Apocalypse:
The investor who knows how to anticipate historically significant or earth-shattering events—who is prepared to act when others are frozen with fear—will always have a substantial advantage. By closely analyzing potential global threats and the opportunities they present, The Wall Street Journal Guide to Investing in the Apocalypse offers investors the key to finding a silver lining in almost any cataclysm. 

How to stay loose when things start falling apart.

Getting down with movies of the apocalypse.

Advertising Judgement Day.

Call an atheist to feed the pets while you're in the hereafter.

Five reasons why sooner may be better than later:  5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(and this honorable mention)

UPDATE:  In New Zealand, 6pm has come and gone without any obvious signs of apocalyptic activity.  We checked Harold Camping's Family Radio website, and he still says today is the day.  Perhaps, the bible meant 6pm Jerusalem local.  Stay tuned.

UPDATE 2: Well, it is after 6pm in Jerusalem.  We're still here, and so are those voted most likely to ascend.  That can mean only one thing: Judgement Day is here and we were all judged not worthy.  We're also stuck with millions of self-righteous zealots who were supposed to leave us their boats.  

Is there any doubt that the tribulations are here (and here and here)?

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